


The Meaning of Your Name

by clearpurity2



Series: One Step At a Time [2]
Category: Senki Zesshou Symphogear
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:41:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23301808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clearpurity2/pseuds/clearpurity2
Summary: The same routine, the same daily lives.Have we changed at all, compared from what we were before?
Series: One Step At a Time [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2077500
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	The Meaning of Your Name

The brush easily pushed back her hair, the ribbon carefully pressed in between her lips. Holding her breath, Miku held her hair back with her hand, allowing her bangs to hang low enough. Her free hand carefully took the ribbon out, draping it around her hair to finally tie the hairstyle back fully.

This wasn’t anything new. It was only temporary.

Miku toyed with the ends of her hair, watching it sway in the mirror. It barely brushed against her shoulder but it was close.

“Almost there…”  
She glanced back at the brush, sitting it down before focusing on her reflection. Everything felt the same, yet everything was different.

The shower, bath and window were all reflected, showing her how clean it was. Rays of light bounced off the mirror, giving off the sense the entire room was illuminated. It made her feel warm and safe, something she found herself continuing to long for.

“…”  
How many times did she find herself staring in the mirror? Night and day, the teenager losing track of time. Her finger outlined her eyes, not feeling any bags or anything to signify strain. After a few more seconds, she finally looked away and opened the bathroom door.

“Hibiki? It’s free.”  
She quietly spoke but if the soft breathing she heard wasn’t enough of a hint, that meant the girl didn’t hear her. Miku climbed the ladder halfway, seeing Hibiki laying on her side facing her way, still oblivious to the world. She must have fell back asleep.

Miku moved her hand to hover over Hibiki’s face, fingers just about to graze the girl’s hair to move it away from her cheek but stopped herself before even getting the chance to touch her.

6:44am is what the clock on the headrest said.

Seconds.  
Minutes.  
An hour.

Miku looked up from her seat on the couch by the time she heard Hibiki finally rustling with the sheets. She didn’t move, glancing up from her reading once the girl actually got out of the bed, her hair a mess and her shirt lopsided.

“…Miku?”  
“Good morning.” She responded immediately.  
“Did you—“  
“Yes.”  
“Eh?!”

Miku gave her a small smile, placing the papers on her lap instead.

“I didn’t want to wake you up. You looked so cute. The Commander didn’t give us a specific time, did he?”

“Well, no, but—“

“Then that means we could sleep in. I just woke up before you, is all. Thought it would be the best time for me to get washed up.”

“O-Oh…”

Hibiki rubbed her head, which in turn ruffled her hair even more. Her eyes glanced towards the side, a slight blush covering her cheeks.

“Y-You didn’t…want to do so together…?”

Miku didn’t move, nor did her expression change.  
“Did you want me to wait?”

“N-No! I mean, you didn’t have to…take it so early, you know?”  
“So you wanted to take one with me?”

“Yes! I mean, n-no! Wait, is this a trick question!?”

Miku chuckled, which only made Hibiki even more embarrassed.

“I’ll…I’ll go take one and be right out!”

Hibiki jogged into the bathroom, leaving Miku once again in silence.

The thought of taking a bath together like they used to was always tempting, and they almost fell right back into that routine. But things were different between them now, right? Wouldn’t taking a bath together be deemed weird? What would people think?

Not once has she ever wondered or cared what people would think. Why should now be any different? It was something they needed to talk about among themselves anyway.

Her eyes glanced back down at the papers on her legs, losing track of what she was even doing prior. Miku made sure to study over these notes as much as possible, learning every inch about her Faust Robe. Was there a reason for her to be using it? Was there a reason for any of them to, really?

“…no Armed Gear. The discs can create shields, lasers and beams. Use them in unique ways to gain the upper hand despite your shortcomings…”  
She mumbled out loud, flipping back and forth between each page.

“…straps are usable…”

_‘One hit and you’ll destroy this body!’_

“…can be used to keep someone back or defense…”

She heard the door open, Miku awkwardly shuffling the papers to straighten them out into a neat pile. Hibiki walked out, placing her hair clips in as her eyes glanced over towards Miku again.

“Okay, I made sure to be quick this time around! I cleaned up after myself as well. So you got everything?”  
Hibiki leaned over Miku’s shoulder.

“Studying?”

Miku shook her head, chills passing through her body. Hibiki was so close she was certain she could feel her body heat…or it was simply due to her just getting out of the shower.

After a few more seconds, Hibiki backed away, placing her hands behind her back.

“Ready whenever you are, Miku.”

Miku was silent, not facing her as she stood to her feet. One final glance at the papers before placing them into her bag, turning to smile at Hibiki.

“Yep. I’m ready.”

Hibiki offered her hand towards the girl, Miku staring at it for a few extra seconds before taking hold.

Her hand was always warm and soft, enough to fill Miku with confidence that maybe she could put forth that much energy as well.

_‘I can’t slow anyone down…’_

“Hey, hey you two!”  
Kirika waved once they got closer to HQ. Almost immediately, Miku let go of Hibiki’s hand, giving her a wave.

“Good morning, Kirika-chan! You’re up early too, huh?” Hibiki grinned, hopping to a stop once they reached her.

“Yeah, haha…”  
Kirika slumped her shoulders.

“Maria made sure we got up early enough. Shirabe was fine, she’s in there with Tsubasa-senpai, and Maria was getting some water. I’m waiting for her.”

“What about Chris?” Miku asked.

“Ah! She’s in there too! Tsubasa-senpai is pretty crazy with training, surprisingly.”

“More like meditation.”  
Maria spoke up, handing Kirika a bottle and keeping the other for herself.

“She’s saying that keeping our minds clear is just as important as bettering our skills. So today is rather quiet, which is fine.”

A quiet day? Miku agreed; it sounded ideal.

“Meditation is so hard!”  
Hibiki whined, dramatically leaning on the wall.  
“There’s so many thoughts to think about, you know?”

“I’m sure you can turn your brain off for an hour or so.”  
Maria laughed, gently leading Kirika back inside and urging Miku and Hibiki to follow.

Maria wasn’t lying about meditation. The silence that hit them as soon as they walked into the room was obvious. Did they need to change out of their clothes or would it matter? If it was meditation, then they could handle that much at least.

Either they were that deep with it, or they were trying not to get in trouble with Tsubasa. But given that Maria and the rest of them were already changed into more comfortable workout clothes, it was a sign that they should too.

Quickly grabbing Miku’s hand before she could sit down, Hibiki gave them a awkward grin and whispered.

“We’ll be right back!”

Miku watched her in confusion as Hibiki pulled her into the locker room.

“If we’re just meditating, we shouldn’t have to change clothes, right?”  
“It’s best to do so, Miku. Wouldn’t want our nice clothes to get sweaty!”

Hibiki was already getting out of her clothes as she spoke, Miku slowly watching her before glancing away.

“R-Right…”  
Miku began to do the same, keeping her back turned. More silence adorned the air, right until Hibiki knocked on the locker to signify she was done.

Miku eventually did the same, turning to face Hibiki with a smile.

“Let’s go!”  
Hibiki held her hand out towards Miku again. Slowly, Miku grabbed it, feeling Hibiki give her a slight squeeze.

Gently, she led her back out with everyone else. Hibiki only let go once they sat down.

“You two know what to do?”  
Tsubasa spoke out loud, only opening one eye.

Hibiki flinched from her sudden voice while Miku simply nodded.

“Of course. We’ve done this before. So don’t get so jittery, Hibiki.”  
Miku looked directly at her, causing Hibiki to let out a nervous laugh.

“Y-Yeah, of course!”

Miku heard Chris scoff, making it hard for Miku to keep her own laughter in but they had to focus.

Closing her eyes, Miku let out one deep sigh before willing her body to stay still.

_‘Focus on breathing. Focus on keeping calm and still.’_

This wasn’t the first time they’ve gotten together to do this. Miku found the silence to be calming, something that helped ease her racing mind. Well, perhaps not as much as Hibiki’s tended to run but good enough.

All her surroundings melted away, the sounds becoming nothing but background noise to the calmness in her breathing. It was peaceful and even the darkness was comforting.

_‘Darkness? Being enveloped in nothingness, allowing the abyss to swallow you whole. Each and every emotion being lost in the abyss.’_

Her fingers gripped her knee.

_‘I said I would fight against myself to be the best person that I could be. Until that happens, I keep fighting.’_

A sigh escaped her lips.

There wasn’t a reason for her to read over the notes today, was it? If they weren’t going to actually fight, then it was a waste of time. Deep down, she wanted to test herself against them. She wanted to see if she could handle herself in an actual fight that was under her control.

No manipulation.  
No possession.  
No distortion.

All her actions belonged to her.

_‘All of your previous actions were done by you. Using the others is a scapegoat.’_

Of course. Those actions were really all hers.

She _chose_ to use Shénshòujìng because she wanted to help.

She _chose_ to let her in because she was frustrated with herself, frustrated with the world, and their lack of communication.

_‘Has anything even changed since then? Have **you** changed? Are you really Kohinata Miku?’_  
_‘I always have…and always will be…’_  
_‘What’s the definition of Kohinata Miku? What **defines** you?’_

What defines her? Sunshine, right? It was the most obvious choice. But could she really be considered that?

The future? That was never associated with her before but after all this, would that be one? The weight of that name, the weight of those choices, the weight of that voice…

_‘The weight of hurting Hibiki…hurting all of them…’_

Her body felt warm, tingly even, as she sat there. Her fingers began to feel overwhelmed with the same feeling, working its way to her palms. As she opened her eyes only slightly, her sight traveled down to her fingers.

_‘You sense it…?’_

The color was shiny and yellow, adorning her hands. That divine power that she summoned before? There’s no way she could do that, she had to be hallucinating. But…

_‘I feel so hot…’_

——

“…”

Hibiki stood back to fix her sleeves, glancing in the mirror to fix her collar. It was silent once again but this time she didn’t have to knock on the locker to signal she was done.

Miku had already left, saying she didn’t feel good, so she’d head back a bit earlier than her. Hibiki offered to go with her, but Miku told her to stay and not worry about it. Maybe she wanted some time alone? But Hibiki didn’t think she should have stayed behind or she went by herself.

Hibiki glanced down at her hand, a sigh escaping her a mere second later.

“That’s a heavy sigh.”  
Chris spoke as she closed her locker. Hibiki didn’t look up at her, her eyes fixated on her hand.

“I’m thinking…Miku doesn’t want to touch me.”  
“Hah? The hell do you mean by that?”  
“It’s just…”

Closing her hand into a fist, she looked up at Chris.

“Normally, she wouldn’t hesitate to hold my hand. But lately, it’s as if the thought of touching me bothers her. Ah, I’m sure it doesn’t bother her like that, where she doesn’t actually want to hold my hand, but…maybe she feels uncomfortable? Or I’m a bit overbearing or excited? I should ask her, right? Instead of just assuming—“

Chris poked Hibiki’s forehead, keeping her finger pressed against her.

“A-Agh, Chris-chan…! That hurts!”

“You start rambling when you’re anxious.” She narrowed her eyes before letting out a sigh of her own.

“I swear, if I didn’t know any better, I’d just consider you two to be weird as hell over not being able to hold hands. It sounds so trivial.”

Chris finally let up on her finger, Hibiki rubbing her forehead in response.

“But…I know what you two have been through and I know this isn’t a simple fix. And I also can’t say you shouldn’t worry about something trivial like this. Even today she seemed…out of it. After last week, senpai thought meditation would help but…guess not.”

Hibiki looked back down at her hands, fumbling around with her fingers.

“Miku was…looking at those notes too. The notes she made about the Faust Robe? I think she made them due to what happened…and maybe that’s what she assumed we were going to do today.”

Hibiki wasn’t sure if it was a good thing they didn’t use the simulator today or not but she thought Tsubasa’s idea would be better this time around.

“Listen…”  
Chris placed her hand on Hibiki’s shoulder.

“…you should have gone with her. Maybe she does need the space, but she doesn’t need the darkness that follows.”

“Darkness?”

“Yeah…it’s easy to get stuck and hard to get out of. There may be days she’s fine and other days she’s not. We all have them…”

Hibiki frowned, her eyes looking back down at the ground. They were supposed to be keeping up with their communication, and for the most part it’s been working out just fine. And yet, there were still some topics they weren’t sure about bringing up just yet.

Hibiki knew it wouldn’t be that easy to solve and knew there would be times where Miku simply…wouldn’t be herself. However, it felt more frequent lately.

“Ehe, guess I really should be calling you senpai, huh?”  
“Yes! You should! This advice isn’t free!”  
“Is it really advice?”  
“Shut up, idiot! I’m trying to help!”

Whenever she felt a bit confused, Chris ended up being the one to talk to her. Hibiki didn’t seek her out, or any of them really since she thought she’d be able to handle it on her own, but they were friends to Miku too. They cared about her just as much as she did, no matter what.

Part of Hibiki was wondering if Chris could somehow hear everything going on in her head or she was just that in tune with the worries of her friends. The latter made the most sense, despite her wanting to say the former.

“I’ll go talk to her.” Hibiki spoke after her giggle fit.

“Good. Remember what I told you, okay? You’re helping a lot more than you think.”

“Chris-chan, this side of you is weird! Why aren’t you yelling!?”

“Can you shut up and let me be serious for once!? I swear!”

Hibiki felt another hit to her head but all she could do was continue her laughter.

“Go!”  
Chris shoved her towards the exit.  
“Stop wasting time laughing with me! This is serious!”

“I-I know!”  
Hibiki coughed, turning to face Chris again.  
“…you don’t want to come along?”

Now it was Chris’ turn to hesitate. Maybe she was pondering on the idea? Hibiki expected her to say no but…not because she didn’t want to.

“I’d…want to but…”  
“Come on!”

Hibiki was quick in grabbing her hand, ready to pull her friend along before Chris pulled her hand away.

“Hold on, idiot! I didn’t even give you an answer! Give me time, okay!?”

So Hibiki stood there in silence, keeping her hands together as Chris gathered herself.

“…I want to but…I have no idea what to say to her.”  
“Neither do I—“  
“Yeah, yeah I know you don’t. Point is…it’s late. You talk to her, let me know how it goes and…”

She hesitated, glancing away before mumbling.

“…we can…figure out something to do. J-Just the three of us if you want…”

Hibiki was going to ask why just the three of them but at the same time, she had no objections. With a smile, she nodded.

“I’ll let you know then, Chris-chan. I’m sure Miku would love to spend time with you too. So we can do it all together! It’ll be fun! We’ll figure out what to do later once I call!”

Hibiki began to jog out of the locker room, waving back at Chris.

“Yeah, yeah, idiot…”

Chris raised her hand to wave back. She sounded annoyed, but Hibiki could see the brief remnants of a smile.

——

Her index finger gently prodded around with the skin around her eye, pulling it down to see if anything was different. All she could see was white, no red or gray.

Miku sat back in her seat with a sigh for a few seconds before holding her hands up in front of the mirror. They didn’t give off that faint glow from before but they still felt tingly.

They were normal.  
_She_ was normal.

She closed her eyes, eventually looking down in the sink. What was she supposed to do about all of this?

“What defines me…what defines me…”

Miku looked back up at her reflection. The familiar red outline and gray pupils stared back at her again, a smirk forming on her lips.

_‘Are you lost?’_

Immediately, Miku shoved her hands under the water, splashing it on her face multiple times. The water was burning against her skin but she didn’t care.

_‘Go away!’_

If she had to burn her face—  
rub her skin—  
break the mirror—  
then she would.

By the time she finally looked back at her reflection, the image was no longer there.

Not even bothering to wipe off her hands, Miku turned to leave but instead was met with something soft yet hard.

“!?”  
“M-Miku?”

Miku stopped, her heart nearly popping out of her chest.  
“H-Hibiki…?”

Miku’s entire face was wet, cascading down her neck and the collar of her shirt. Even her ribbon had fallen out.

Hibiki picked up the ribbon, noticing steam on the mirror and water all over the sink.

“Hibiki—“  
“Hold still, okay?”

Standing behind her, Hibiki pulled some of Miku’s hair back, the ribbon pressed in between her lips.  
“Your hair is getting longer!”

Hibiki spoke, although it sounded terribly muffled. Miku felt her fingers practically massaging her head and hair, which made her blush.

“Um, well…”  
“Almost down to your shoulders!”

Instead of placing it in a ponytail like it was earlier, she put it in Miku’s usual hairstyle and left it down.

“There! That’s the Miku I know!”

Miku used her fingers to feel the back of it, the ribbon nice and large on the back of her head. It was always there, just like that.

“Hibiki…” Miku didn’t turn to face her but spoke in her direction.

“Is there…anything different about me…?”

This long, drawn out silence was starting to feel a bit too comfortable for her liking. After all those seconds, Miku assumed Hibiki wouldn’t answer at all and she intended to leave but soon enough, she felt Hibiki’s hand sneak into hers and interlace their fingers together.

“Yes…there is.”

Miku expected her to lie and say there wasn’t.

She expected Hibiki to say that she was still her sunshine, that she wasn’t going to end up becoming this eclipse that could no longer give a flower it’s warmth.

And maybe…she would no longer be able to receive any of that warmth herself.

“But that doesn’t change things. You’re still Kohinata Miku, my sunshine. And also…our future. You and I.”

But what did that mean? How did that define who she actually was?

“My name meaning…doesn’t define me…it’s not me!”

Hibiki was silent again, not sure to break the personal space or to merely keep their connection just like this with their hands.

“Depends on how you look at it.” Hibiki spoke again, keeping her voice calm.

“I’ve always seen you as someone who could brighten anyone’s day. You add a sense of calmness and peace just by being who you are, Miku. I wouldn’t be who I am without you…and who knows where Chris-chan would be if you haven’t saved her. You might think that everything you do is small, but it makes a huge impact. And this is before everything that happened…”

Miku could feel Hibiki’s hand shaking just as much as hers. Did that mean she was unsure of her words or did it mean she was overcome with emotion just like herself?

“Miku…things are…different, yeah. It became more obvious after what happened. I thought you using that Faust Robe was dangerous. I know you said you wanted to be by my side, to see what I see, but I was still afraid that you’d get hurt.”

She let out a small, weak chuckle.

“But…that’s how you’ve been feeling about me after all this happened. Guess it’s good I’m finally feeling what you felt, right? I’m sorry…”

Miku stayed silent, still not facing her but keeping their hands interlaced. Miku wanted to prove herself that she was capable of fighting alongside them or even just…being there to work with them. She wanted to make sure she wasn’t going to be in the way, cause trouble, or slow them down.

And because of that, she ended up causing them all to worry.

“…I was merely…determined to fight harder. I wanted to prove that I could handle this. That I could handle the fighting aspects of all this, the responsibility, just like all of you had.”

“Prove it to yourself, or all of us?”

“I don’t know, maybe both!” Miku turned to finally face Hibiki.

“I felt that enough time has pass that I could handle it! I shouldn’t be struggling like this, Hibiki. This isn’t something that I should still be having trouble or reality checks with! I didn’t mean to lose control, okay? I didn’t intend to get mad and just…mess everything up!”

Even now she could feel that same frustration beginning to rise. With every attempt she made to fight, she only felt she was taking two steps back. And the more she tried to make up for that frustration, Miku felt a sense of…pleasure from all the chaotic emotions within her brain.

The Noise were fake, it was a simulation after all, but they were rather easy to defeat. But every single time she thought about catching up yet worrying that she was falling behind, she pushed herself to try even harder. And the more they showed up, the more pleased she felt.

Miku wasn’t sure if it was because she wanted to showcase her abilities, to prove to everyone that she wasn’t the one that needed to be saved all the time or even the one that caused so much damage to the entire world. It was an attempt to let herself know that she was going to win this war within herself…but it only made her feel more and more weird.

Different, even.

“Feeling…satisfaction for all of that didn’t make sense. And I’m sure you know this. I’m trying to change, but I’m only making things more complicated for us. I don’t want to be different…I want to be _me_. But…I almost feel like I lost sight of who that is.”

Hibiki was silent the entire time but kept her eyes on her. She didn’t feel like herself so maybe she needed a reminder?

After a few more seconds of silence, she finally began to speak.

“…we won’t be the same after this. We’re all different…and this effects us all in various ways. Given what you went through, it’s only natural to be different. This isn’t going to be easy for you…but we’re here to lessen the burden on you. _I’m_ here too…okay?”

Giving her a smile, Hibiki gently used her other hand to overlap Miku’s.

“We can help remind you of the sunshine that you really are. Me simply saying that doesn’t do much, so we need to provide actions instead! Chris-chan wanted to do something, just the three of us. I told her I’d let her know if you’d be up for it!”

“The three of us? What about the others?”

“Maybe we should start out small and slow.” Hibiki chuckled, giving her that familiar sheepish grin.

“Besides, you and Chris-chan were friends before her and I, right? How often do you two hang out? And getting to spend time with you both to witness it all will be a blast!”

“Would that mean you’d be kind of a third wheel?”

“Maybe, but that’s fine with me!” Hibiki placed her hands on her hip in confidence.  
“I’d rather see you two interact, so don’t mind me!”

Miku wasn’t sure on how to feel about that but before long, she let out a small giggle. Hibiki being a third wheel? She could easily guide any conversation and start up new topics with people so Miku couldn’t imagine Hibiki merely sitting there in silence and letting them talk among themselves. 

But she had a point; there weren’t many chances for her and Chris to spend time together so…maybe it’s something she’d need. Gradually she would spend time with the others. So no matter what, she’d be different, all of them would.

“Then…let’s do that. I’m sure there’s something we can do together. It’ll be nice.”

“Yes!” Hibiki wrapped her arms around the girl in a hug. “I’ll let Chris-chan know right now! I’ll also get you some dry clothes!”

Hibiki kept the smile on her lips as she took out her phone, Miku eventually motivated to give the girl one of her own. 

This fight within herself wouldn’t be ending any time soon.

**Author's Note:**

> There's no sure evidence if the Gears are still present or not, so this one acts as if they are. 
> 
> That's currently all I can assume for now, aha.
> 
> Very possible this will be connected to another fic in the future!
> 
> (Yes, this is a reference to my previous fic “The Weight of Your Name” due to all the meanings and such of Miku’s name and how it ends up defining her in the end in both that one and this one).


End file.
